


Inferno Dreams

by Quinnoid



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Body Horror (animal), F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Romefuckery, Spoilers, haven't even gotten to the fake dating yet, very slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnoid/pseuds/Quinnoid
Summary: Azu and Hamid returned from Rome to a world in chaos. The Separatists have started producing the Simulacra en masse, and a fruitless war has been raging for over a year now. But there's hope, as Wilde's gotten confirmation that the killswitch plans were finished and hidden by Tesla. After rejoining Zolf and recruiting Cel, the team are given a mission by Wilde: go to the America's, infiltrate the Separatists, and bring back the plans.Updates Saturdays.Prompted by an anon on tumblr: zolf and hamid having to fake a relationship for a mission and end up confronting their feelings.
Relationships: (Previous), Azu/Celiquilliton "Cel" Sidebottom, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan/Zolf Smith, Oscar Wilde/Original Male Character, Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde (implied), azu/Sasha Racket (one sided)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue Pt. 1

Sitting in Curie’s makeshift office would have been entirely overwhelming if Hamid wasn’t completely numb. His head hurt from thinking so much, and his hand hurt from Azu’s deathgrip. He didn’t have the heart to tell her. Curie was, in a clipped, brusque fashion, giving them a basic rundown of the previous year and a half. 

“About a year ago, the American Separatist’s Simulacral forces met the five Meritocrats in battle. Without losing hardly any soldiers, they killed two of the dragons. Ever since, we’ve been on the defense. The Separatists have been making this more of a purge than a war, which the Harlequins do _not_ condone, I might add. That’s the only reason any of us are even alive. Last I heard, Apophis was badly injured, and your sister retreated into hiding with him. Wilde also retreated to get away from the Meritocrats. Einstein will teleport you to his last known location once we’re done here. Any questions?”

Hamid and Azu stared at her, mutely. Curie was throwing words around so casually, like they should mean trivial little things. Azu’s grip on Hamid’s arm grew impossibly tighter.

“Is my family alright?” Azu asked. 

“Kenya, correct?”

Azu nodded. 

“Most likely. The Simulacra haven’t gotten much past the northern European nations. It seems they are trying to destroy those Meritocratic offices first.”

Azu sighed, partially relieved. 

“And my family?” Hamid asked. Curie gave him a conflicted look. “What?”

“As I said, Saira left. She gifted the Harlequins the house, and gave your mother control of the family. Unfortunately, your father hasn’t been heard from, and Selah, your brother, that is, revealed himself to be a Separatist. He has been detained here, in the house, but he’s mostly despondent.”

“Oh gods...” Azu, impossibly, gripped his hand even tighter.

“I’m sorry.” Curie steepled her fingers in front of her. “Is there anything else?”

“I wanted to see them, but it sounds like we don’t really have time. Azu, do you need anything?” Hamid turned towards Azu, who shook her head. 

“Then unfortunately, you’re right. We need to get you back to Einstein. Time is not truly on our side.”

  
~~***~~

Teleporting _hurt_. It had never felt like this before, even when they were leaving Rome. Hamid’s claws formed spontaneously, gripping that much tighter to Azu’s arm. They landed with an audible crack outside a small village surrounded by a sloping forest. Thankfully, Einstein had landed under a small overhang. The sky was black with clouds, and rain was pelting down. Einstein grimaced and shook his head.

“Are you alright, Professor?” Hamid asked.

“OH, yeah. Don’t worry about it!” Einstein paused. “Actually, you’re the sorcerer right?”

“Yes?”

“Ah, so.. there might be some side effects from trying to use magic in Rome?” He scratched at his goggles absentmindedly. “There's a chance your magic doesn’t work the same anymore? Like, I can teleport more now, but it feels wrong, you know? Like all stretchy and shifty instead of squishy.”

“Oh.” Hamid tried to think back to the last spell he’d cast. 

“Is divine magic affected too?” Azu asked, clasping her hand over the replica Heart of Aphrodite.

“Uhhh, maybe? I wouldn’t really know, sorry.”

“I think it’s safe to assume it has been,” Hamid frowned, finally realizing the deathgrip he had on Azu’s arm. “Oh, sorry!”

“It’s alright.” Azu smiled as best she could. “Come on then. Let’s find Wilde. He might be able to help us.”

“Oh yeah, one more thing! So, Wilde’s been kind of weird lately? More secretive than normal. And he was kind of hurt by someone, like, really important to him, so he’s also kind of an ass now.” Einstein smiled brightly at them. “Okay then! He was last staying at the inn. Bye!”

Einstein winked out of existence. Suddenly, a muffled _“Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?”_ came from inside Azu’s bag of holding.

She pulled her mobile stone out, sharing an amused glance with Hamid. “Yes Einstein?”

 _“Oh good, they work! You know, I hadn’t gotten time to test them yet.”_ Azu chuckled. _“Anyways, don’t let anyone know you’ve got these alright? We’re not supposed to have stuff like this lying around, because the uh, robot things.”_

“We won’t, don’t worry. Stay safe, Einstein.”

_“You too!”_

Azu put the stone back, and looked down at Hamid. “Shall we?”

“Y-yeah. Let’s go see Wilde.”

~~***~~

After a half hour of wandering down various streets in the pouring rain, they finally found the inn. The innkeeper, a portly gnome with a gentle face, greeted them kindly, and despite the language barrier, got them something to drink while they waited for Wilde to show up. After about an hour of Azu and Hamid nursing their drinks, he finally showed up. His normally neat visage was rumpled, and he had large dark circles under his eyes and a deep scar down one cheek. Zolf walked in behind him, also looking a bit worse for wear.

“Oh my gods! Zolf!” Hamid, slightly tipsy despite only having one drink, leapt down from his barstool and pulled him into a hug. “I’ve missed you!”

“Oof. I’ve missed you too, Hamid.” Zolf hugged Hamid back awkwardly.

“Oh! Azu, this is Zolf. He was in charge of the LOLOMG before Prague. Zolf, this is Azu. I hired her after.. Well, that’s beside the point. She’s very nice.”

“Uh, hi.” Zolf held out one hand, and Azu shook it. “Nice to meet you.”

“And you as well.”

“If you’re all done?” Wilde looked them over with a critical eye. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Wilde, I think we can-”

“Excuse you!” Hamid exclaimed, looking at Wilde incredulously. “It has been a few weeks since I’ve seen one of my best friends and a lot has happened during it. Give me five minutes!”

Wilde gritted his teeth and took a long breath. “Very well. Zolf. Five minutes.”

Zolf nodded curtly as Wilde stalked off, then glanced up into the rafters worriedly. “Is Sasha with you? I figured she would’ve dropped in to stab me by now.”

Azu winced and took a long drink of her sake. Hamid sobered up immediately.

“You should sit down, Zolf,” he said quietly. “After we left Prague, we went to Damascus. And, I don’t know if you heard, but we, we asked Apophis to destroy this adamantine ore refinery. And while we were there, w-we got a message of some kind, a magical one, that some of our family members were in danger in Rome.”

“Sasha, Hamid, and I went to Rome while Grizzop finished up in Damascus,” Azu added. “It took a while, but we found the hostages on a different plane. Grizzop showed up with someone from Sasha’s past.”

“Eldarion...” Hamid sighed. “She shifted us in and out of the plane, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to make it back.”

“But something went wrong when she tried to shift us back.” Azu glared at her drink as furiously as an orc glowing neon pink can. “Grizzop and I got separated, and he was holding Sasha’s hand. We don’t know where they are.”

Zolf’s face flicked through emotions so fast Hamid could hardly follow them. He caught rage, grief, hatred, fear, and maybe regret before Zolf mastered his expressions. 

“It’s okay, Azu. It wasn’t your fault.” Hamid patted her shoulder. “Eldarion should have warned us what she was doing.”

“Sure,” Azu said, downing the rest of her drink.

“Alright. Fine. That's fine. Five minutes are about up.” Zolf stood up abruptly and stormed off towards Wilde. Hamid’s face fell, and Azu sighed.

“Come on. Best we get this over with.” Azu held out her hand, and Hamid latched onto her. They followed Zolf down a corridor and up a couple flights of stairs to a room. It had recently been converted from a bedroom to Wilde’s paper hoard. Reams of notes, spreadsheets, and letters were scattered everywhere. In the middle of it all, Wilde sat, fingers steepled in front of him as he scanned a letter. He looked up when he was done, and nodded at Zolf. Zolf turned and left, closing the door behind him.

“Alright. I’m going to be blunt.” Wilde levelled a look at them Hamid had never seen before as they sat down. “You’ve been gone for a year and a half now, and I don’t trust you. You returned, after total radio silence, without Sasha or Grizzop, and I need to know why.”

“No! We sent you a letter through Einstein.” Wilde raised an eyebrow. “Did you not get it?”

“Anyone could say that.”

[1]Azu stood abruptly. “Wilde. We have been through _hell_. I need a bath, a nap, real food, and at least a week to cry. If you don’t trust that we did everything we could to save them after everything we have done for you, then you don’t need us. We’ll just leave and try to fix things ourselves, without your help.”

Wilde didn’t react. 

“Azu, let’s just tell him. If he doesn’t believe us, then I guess we’ll go, but... Please?”

Azu nodded, but didn’t sit. Hamid felt tears trying to form, but he pushed his feelings aside. His relationships could fall apart later; for now, he needed to convince Wilde that they hadn’t intentionally lost Grizzop and Sasha. The tears came back in full force at that thought, and before he could really begin his story, Hamid started to cry.

[2]He tearfully explained what happened in Rome, while Azu stood behind him, hand on his shoulder. She audibly ground her teeth when he reached the part about their return shift. When the story was finished, Wilde sighed.

“Alright. I believe you.” He started to reach towards Hamid, then pulled back. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I’ll explain it all in time, I just. I needed to be sure.”

“Can we do this later Wilde?” Azu asked. 

“Sure, yes. Come back around first light. We have a lot to talk about.”

~~***~~

After a long bath, Azu found Hamid wolfing down as much food as he possibly could. The innkeeper was watching him with mild amusement, then concern as much of his weekly rations were being consumed in one sitting. He visibly paled when she sat down, but ran off to grab her a plate as well.

“Hey Azu,” Hamid said through a mouthful of rice. “How’re you?”

“Fine. How are you?” Azu asked, ignoring Hamid’s quizzical look. 

“I think... I’m scared. And confused. And I miss them.” Hamid ate another large bite of rice. “But I think we need to stick with Wilde. Figure this out. Fix the world.”

“Mm. Yes.” The innkeeper set a large plate of food down in front of Azu. 

“Azu?” She looked over at him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Azu set her fork down and stared at him intensely. “How many people have you lost because of your own inaction?”

“Uh, quite a few actually.”

“I see. And how many of them were you in love with?” 

Hamid gasped. “Oh! Oh no. I’m sorry.” He offered Azu a hug, which she gratefully accepted. “If you want, I’ll stop asking you about it. But I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

“Let’s just eat. We can worry about the rest later.”

~~***~~

Azu knocked on Wilde’s door a few minutes past dawn. He opened it, squinting blearily up at her.

“Oh, Azu. Good.” Wilde yawned and ran a hand through his messy brown hair. “Let’s talk before the other two get here.”

“Alright.” Wilde stepped aside to allow her in, shutting the door behind her. He sat down and invited her to do the same.

“I just wanted you to know that I heard what you said last night.” Wilde paused, gauging her reaction. “To Hamid, at dinner. I wasn’t trying to, I was just down there getting food and. What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“No one did.”

“Yes. Well. If you’d like to take time to figure things out, you’re more than welcome to.”

“Thank you.” Azu willed away the feelings that were fighting their way up her throat. There was a knock on the door, and Wilde smiled apologetically as he stood and strode over to open it. Both Hamid and Zolf stood outside. Zolf was still looking decidedly surly.

“Give us just a moment, would you?” Wilde asked. Hamid stepped in, and Wilde shut the door behind him. Azu could hear Wilde saying something about Rome and decided she didn’t want to listen anymore. 

“Good morning, Hamid.”

“Morning, Azu,” Hamid yawned. “How was your night?”

“It was alright. You?”

“I really wanted to sleep in.” Hamid looked forlornly at the bed buried under piles of paper in the corner. Suddenly, the door opened and Wilde and Zolf both walked inside. Zolf gave them both a polite nod.

“So. What do you know about the state of the world?”

“Well, we know that two more meritocrats are dead. And that Apophis was injured.” Hamid furrowed his brow, deep in thought. “And Curie mentioned something about the Separatists having an army of Simulacra? But she didn’t really take any time to explain things.”

“Then I’ll start from the beginning. Zolf, interrupt me if I miss anything,” Wilde said. “Right. About a month after you disappeared, Meritocratic offices got reports of Simulacra sightings all over the Americas. They began attacking people, seemingly at random. Later we realized the attacks were focused mainly on those of elvish descent. The story the Separatists’ spread was that elves are too close to corporeal gods, and they shouldn’t exist. Curie thinks it’s a hypocritical load of shit, and I agree, considering their overpreached message that all sentient creatures should be allowed to self-govern. But nevertheless. Curie believes the elves know something about the Simulacrum and can potentially even destroy it.

“More on that later. The Simulacra forces slowly took over the Americas, and the Meritocrats mostly just ignored it. We realized later just how infiltrated they were with the Cult of Hades, but at the time, most just chalked it up to the Meritocrats not really caring about the Americas. Then, the first wave of their army made it to London. What with the riots already happening, it fell so quickly Guivres didn’t even have a chance to react. She raised the rallying cry and the other four Meritocrats showed up to fight. Everyone expected it to be a one and done thing. But then Guivres was shot down. Apalala dove to catch her and the impact ended up killing both of them. Apophis, old fool that he is, held the army off while the others retreated.

“He barely made it away alive. Saira and the other Officers of the Office of Apophis retreated somewhere classified with him. Gods, I can’t believe that name caught on. Anyway, they’re tending to him, and hopefully soon he’ll be recovered enough to start helping again. Quinglong and Naga have been helping as best they can, giving me access to resources and off limits areas through Asia, but they have to stay hidden. Without Apophis, they don’t stand a chance against the Separatists.

“Since then, it’s been nonstop trying to dig up information about the Americas, the Separatists’ leaders, and as much of the Simulacrum plans we could recover. We’ve discovered quite a bit, but first, any questions?”

“I... gods. That’s a lot.” Hamid murmured.

“Yeah,” Zolf said, his voice low and dark.

“I’ll save my questions for the end,” Azu said. 

Hamid nodded in agreement. He held his hand out, and Azu grabbed it. 

“Okay. Well, Curie’s theory is that the elves know, or at least knew something that could destroy the Simulacra. We actually managed to track down a half-elf from North America, thanks to Quinglong. They live a few hours from here. I want to see if we can recruit them into working with you, and if so, you might even get a guide to the Americas.

“The weird weather has also been getting steadily worse. We had been monitoring it for a while, but the Separatists became more important pretty quickly. It’s gotten nearly unbearable, though. There’s very few places not bombarded by storms right now, and those that aren’t have been subjected to intense temperature swings. Hopefully this is something that the Simulacra are causing, but it’s hard to know for sure. We’ve never actually gotten a chance to dismantle one.

“And, I think the last thing you need to know is that Tesla was working for the Meritocrats at some point. I’m not sure on the exact details, but he was originally a double agent trying to prevent the Simulacrum from being finished. When that mission went belly up, he began writing up the killswitch plans. Sometime along the way, though, he became a full Separatist. I’m not sure which god we have to thank, but he left the finished plans with a rebel stronghold in the middle of North America. I’m hoping the half-elf will know a bit about the geography at least, and it’ll give us something to work with.”

“If not, we can figure out other things.” Zolf cut in. “You’ve still got that seed, so Svalbard may be an option as well. You do still have the seed, right?”

“Of course I do! And the notebook, the crane, and everything else.” Hamid glared at Zolf. “I’m not in the habit of throwing away important objects.”

Zolf gritted his teeth, took a deep breath, and relaxed. “You’re right. Sorry, Hamid. I’ve been under a lot of stress recently.”

“It’s okay.” 

“Wilde, what exactly do you want us to do?”

“That’s actually a question for Zolf.”

“Ah. Okay. Well, first, we recruit Celiquillithon. That’s the half-elf’s name, by the way.” Zolf cleared his throat. “After that, we commandeer Earhart’s ship, through money or force, and fly to the America’s. Earhart’s in Hiroshima, so it’ll be pretty easy to get across once everyone’s ready. We’ll avoid the Separatists as much as possible, focusing only on finding Tesla’s plans and getting the hell out of there after. We can flesh out exact details later.”

“Sounds good.” Azu nodded. “I’m in.”

“Me too.” Hamid said. “Oh! Wilde, I have a question. Einstein mentioned something about his magic not working the same when he got back from Rome, and he said mine was probably affected too. Do you know anything about that?”

Wilde sighed heavily. “Romefuckery.”

“Excuse me?” Azu choked out.

“Pardon my French. Curie and I began calling it Romefuckery. Rome does something to magic, fucks with it, if you will. Einstein returned the first time more addled than he’s been in a long time. He got used to it, and we realized he was actually a stronger teleporter. For the most part, the effects have been positive, not negative, so yours should be fine.”

“Oh, well, that’s a relief. Does the same go for divine magic?”

Wilde opened his mouth, paused, then thought for a moment. “I don’t see why not? Again, you’ll probably have to spend a day casting your spells to test them out. I can’t say for certain, unfortunately.”

“Hmm, alright.” Azu flicked through her mental list of spells, trying to decide which ones to begin casting later.

“Hey Wilde. We need to head out if we’re going to get to the village in time.”

“Yes, you do. I have more paperwork to go through so... I will not be able to join you. Try to make it back with them as soon as possible. We need to be heading to America soon.”

1 Flat intimidation check: 11 [return to text]

2 Flat diplomacy check: 17 [return to text]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little update to this chapter! Huge thanks to @mullroy for being an amazing sounding board and beta and really helping iron things out. Also! He showed me how to link footnotes! So I mentioned on tumblr that some of the story is being decided by flat d20s, but I didn't have a clean way of adding them in until now.   
> And finally some housekeeping: We're ironing out a schedule and ch2 will be up this Saturday. With luck, we'll be able to stick to it.


	2. Prologue Pt. 2

It was an absolutely miserable walk to Cel’s village. There was still a torrential downpour, making the journey through the sloped wooded areas particularly harrowing. 

“Hey, Zolf?” Hamid yelled. Zolf grunted, squinting over at him through the blinding rain. “Do you think it’s safe for me to cast a spell?”

Zolf shrugged and gestured vaguely in his direction as he and Azu both took a few steps back. Hamid frowned, then waved his hand, casting Message. The magic felt a little strange, like it had been infused with something else, but it seemed like the spell took.

“C-can you guys hear me?” he asked quietly. Zolf raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, actually,” he replied. “How did that feel?”

[1]“A bit strange. Like I cast two spells simultaneously. I’m not sure what that means, though,” Hamid said. “Azu, you should try casting something.”

“Oh, ah, okay. What should I cast?”

“Maybe Endure Elements?”

“Alright.” Azu closed her eyes and grabbed her Heart of Aphrodite replica. Hamid watched her carefully as she furrowed her brow and mouthed something. Suddenly, she stumbled back a step with a cry. “Woah!”

“Azu!” Hamid lunged forward, casting Detect Magic. He couldn’t see anything wrong or weird, but divine magic had never been his specialty anyways. Zolf put a steadying hand on Azu’s back. She opened her eyes and shook her head just as Hamid reached her. [2]There was something off, though, something different that he couldn’t quite place.

“I’m alright. That was just very strange,” she said. “When I reached for the magic, I didn’t have to reach as far as I used to. Aphrodite was right there. And it was so much more, and, and it was so powerful.”

Hamid realized with a start what was different. “Azu? You’re dry!”

“What? Oh. Wait, what does that mean?” Azu asked, patting her armor randomly as if to confirm she was indeed dry.

“Apparently it means your Endure Elements can protect you from the weather and the climate,” Zolf said. He turned to Hamid. “Does yours?”

“I’m not sure.” Hamid focused for a moment and cast the spell. The magic didn’t feel any different from how he remembered. “I think it’s the same.”

“You’re still wet, too. So we know the effects aren’t the same. That’s interesting,” Zolf said. “We really need to get going, though. Maybe you can experiment later?”

~~***~~

Zolf was about at his wits end with Hamid. It was mostly all the little things he did that just slowly built up, but Hamid attacking the only half-elf in a village full of gnomes, obviously the person they had been sent by Wilde to find, was just about the straw that broke the camel’s back. But it was fine. Cel very reluctantly agreed to go see Wilde if the LOLOMG (which was still a ridiculous name, even if it did pay a nice homage to Sasha) would also accompany them to the Shoin Institute to end its reign of terror on their village. It was fine. 

After spending two days, absolutely too long, on defenses for the little village, still in the pouring rain, they made it back to the inn. He had been miserable, cold, and tired, and all he wanted was to sleep. But they had to discuss jobs, wars, pasts, presents, futures, and the Shoin Institute. It was a bit of a surprise that Wilde agreed to let the LOLOMG go with Cel to dismantle Shoin, but apparently it had been one place Quinglong hadn’t been able to infiltrate recently, and there was potentially minor information on the Simulacra there.

So they went to the institute, and Zolf did his best to lead, even when Hamid butted in with his Romefucked parlor tricks that exploded windows out of their frames to shatter on the heads of the workers below. And when Hamid pulled him aside to chide him for being reckless when dealing with the lightning rod, it took all his strength not to snap right back at him. But he did have to admit, the dragon breath thing at the end was pretty good. Even if he wouldn’t say it out loud. And then they were back at the inn, trying to interrogate a disembodied brain for the gods’ sake. 

The Shoin Brorb was sitting on a makeshift table in the antimagic cell. Cel had rigged up some torture device, but Shoin was so confused at this point that he couldn’t hold a conversation, and it was pointless. He kept saying it was sharp and cold where the machine met his mind, and that he thought more in numbers than in words. Some of his answers to questions were strings of utter gibberish, combinations of ones and zeroes mostly, and then a question later, he’d answer the previous question in an actual language. Cel seemed uncomfortable, Azu was unreadable as ever, Wilde was frustrated, and Hamid was infuriating. He knew all the questions to ask, all the things Zolf had forgotten over two years of suffering through disaster after disaster. But it was fine. They didn’t really get any new information on the Simulacrum. Despite Shoin going on and on about how it should have been melded with humans, he didn’t actually know how it would work, just that it was a possibility at one point. Apparently, Henri and Shoin had been working on developing it before Henri went off the grid. That was the last bit of useful information from him. Once Cel had powered the Brorb down, they awkwardly suggested letting it die.

“It’s only fair, you know, because he’s so far gone, and all of the other brains in there, they didn’t want any part of this. It would be... It would be a mercy.” Cel stared at the central brain while they spoke.

“Have we gotten everything we need, Hamid?” Azu asked.

“I think so? Unless any of you feel like I missed something. We could let him rest and see if it helps him regain some clarity, and maybe just try again later?”

[3]“I know I don’t have quite the expertise that he did when it comes to transplanting your brain, but I do understand machines, pretty well I might add, and some of the things he was saying?” Cel spoke with a caution Zolf hadn’t seen in them before. “Look, I know machines. And I know that brains and machines don’t mix. There’s a lot of things a machine can’t do and leaving a thinking, feeling, sentient creature inside is cruel.”

Zolf began to agree but Hamid cut him off. “That sounds fair, Cel. If you’re good with that Wilde? We can do that?”

Wilde looked over the Brorb disdainfully. “We didn’t get anything really useful from it anyway. I doubt a nap will help it’s case.”

Cel winced, but didn’t say anything. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Zolf heard the faintest of thumps from upstairs. [4]Cel, Wilde, and Zolf all looked up at the same time.

“That’s not the innkeeper,” Wilde whispered. Cel and Hamid pulled out their respective bows, Azu drew her axe, and Zolf brandished his glaive. There was a series of snuffles, scuffs, and scrapes, and the distinct sound of long nails clicking on the floors. 

Suddenly, Hamid dropped his bow and ran to the door. “Skraak!”

“Hamid!” Zolf snarled, lunging forward and grabbing his arm. He jerked Hamid backwards and glared at him. Hamid started to say something, but Zolf cut him off. “If you’re going to run into danger like an idiot, at least let me go first.”

Hamid’s eyes flashed angrily, but he didn’t say anything. Zolf, ignoring a look from Wilde, turned around and faced the door into the corridor, glaive held ready. For a moment, everything was silent, and then they heard a muffled shout in Japanese. Zolf gritted his teeth as footsteps approached the hidden door. They hadn’t locked it, because why would they? It was stupid, they were at war and not taking enough precautions. He walked up to the handle and turned to face the others.

_ “On my count,”  _ Zolf mouthed, miming yanking the door open. He held up his fingers, one, two-

[5]The door was shoved open hard, knocking Zolf backwards into Hamid. He caught a flash of red as they tumbled down the stairs into Azu, who had to drop her axe to catch them. [6]Cel fired, then swore colorfully as their arrow hit a kobold directly in the chest. 

“Shit! Shit shit shit, little buddy!” they yelped, bounding up the stairs. “Are you okay? Shit! Azu! Zolf!”

Azu dropped Hamid and Zolf on the stairs and ran. Hamid tore after her, leaving only Zolf and Wilde in the corridor. 

“That went well,” Zolf grumbled, tromping up after the rest of the group and shoving past them. He had no interest in the kobolds' reasons for being here, he had no interest in whether the one Cel had shot was dead or alive, and he definitely had no interest in why Wilde had given him that knowing look in the corridor. The innkeeper was bound to a chair and gagged. With a casual flick of his glaive, Zolf sliced through the ropes, and continued storming past.

They’d been foolish to think this place was remote enough to not be compromised. Zolf’s mind began racing through all the possible outcomes that could’ve been, until he cut himself off with a vicious shake of his head. He turned back to see the kobold sitting up and Cel apologizing profusely. Hamid looked up at him, his worry so visible even Sasha would’ve been able to see it. Shutting that thought down, Zolf threw the doors to the kitchen open. Cooking had become one of his favorite stress relievers, and he desperately needed to close down all the swirling emotions he couldn’t quite name.

The innkeeper followed him inside, to his annoyance, and hovered over his shoulder, muttering in Japanese while he prepped a stew. [7]Finally, Zolf snarled and pointed one of the chopping knives at him in a vaguely threatening fashion. The innkeeper grumbled but backed off and left. Sasha would’ve been proud. He shut his eyes, taking a moment to try to center himself. Deep breath in, hold it, release. In, hold, release. The noise in his head dulled, and after one more slow breath, Zolf finished chopping the mushrooms.

~~***~~

When Wilde started to read the letter, so distinctly written in Sasha’s clunky speech, Zolf felt all the blood drain from his face. Wilde barely got through the first sentence before Zolf shook his head. “Nope, nope, I’m out.” 

Zolf walked until he got down the corridor some, then ran down the stairs as fast as the awkward prosthetics allowed. He nearly face-planted a few times, barely casting Levitate to catch himself. Kobolds scattered left and right as he stormed through the lobby, glowering at any who stayed in his way too long. He had a destination in mind, a place he’d grown very familiar with over the last couple months. It took almost thirty minutes to reach it. Zolf stepped out onto the rocky outcrop that served as a coast on the northside of the island. His adrenaline faded upon reaching the ocean, and the sheer panic that blocked out everything except instincts dulled. Sasha had written a letter. Had she remembered him? Had she hated him? Forgiven him?

Did he even want to know the answers to these questions? To the hundreds more that constantly plagued him? To the thousands he didn’t even know to ask? Would it be easier to run again, to never find out, to just let Hamid lead the LOLOMG without him? They’d done okay, all things considered, but the world was still ending, and Sasha was still gone, and Poseidon had still left him. 

The waves parted around him as he stepped towards them. A final gift from Poseidon, or a shunning? No one really knew with the capricious god, especially not Zolf. He reached out for magic, any magic, just to feel its presence. It took a while, but when he finally reached it, it still wasn’t the roiling, raging magic of Poseidon that once crashed into him like breaking waves. It didn’t feel like any of the deities. It was both soft and rough, gentle and hard, awkward and smooth. It was sharp and blunt for a moment, then rippling and indefinite, surrounding him like a hug. 

As far as Zolf could tell, it had no name. It was just a feeling simmering deep in his chest. So he called it hope, and hoped that the name was right. It’s hard to pray to a concept. It’s hard to ask a notion for forgiveness, understanding, peace. It’s hard to beg an abstraction of a feeling for protection, safety, security. But he did his best, standing in the middle of a short sandbar, the waves still parting around him so he stood on completely dry ground.

“Zolf!” Hamid’s yell startled him, and he stumbled through a sorry ending of a prayer. Spinning on unsteady legs, he saw Hamid and a phalanx of kobolds on the shore, holding something. Hamid yelled something else, but the roar of the waves drowned him out. With a heavy sigh, Zolf trudged back towards the shore. He stopped a couple feet from Hamid.

Hamid held out a letter to him. The letter, Zolf realized. “Read it.”

Zolf stared at it. There was so much he didn’t want to know. Was it worth the risk? Was it worth it to know Sasha’s last known thoughts? He took the letter. The parchment was old and brittle, yellowed and faded and nearly unreadable in some places. But it was clearly Sasha’s scratchy writing. It started in Latin, presumably, but the first few lines were vigorously scratched out. Zolf read it, slowly breaking down into tears as he got closer to the end, then read it all over again. She had named a kid after him, had remembered him even when he tried to forget her, had made the world an infinitely better place. She became the person he so desperately wanted to emulate. And he wished she had never left. When he finished, he rolled the parchment up and gave it back to Hamid who handed it over to a kobold.

“Zolf.”

“I could go back. I could save her.”

“W-what? How?” Hamid blinked incredulously.

“I learned how to planar shift a while back. I just need to shift to the time dilation and then into Ancient Rome. Easy.”

“Th-that’s not how planar shifting works!” Hamid exclaimed. “You can only travel among elemental and celestial planes.”

“Obviously not. She did it.” 

“Because we were in Rome! Rome messed with magic in really unpredictable ways. You can’t just reverse engineer that, magic doesn’t work like that!”

“Who am I if I don’t try?” Zolf roared. “I left her behind. When she needed me most, I left you all behind. And now look! The world’s gone to shit. I don’t even know who or what I’m praying to anymore. Wilde is holed up in his room all day, you are playing at being king, and Azu and Cel don’t have half the stake in this that we did. Do. Everything’s falling apart and I have to deal with it all because you went and mucked everything up!”

Almost instantly, Hamid’s hands shifted to claws and his skin began to scale. “Excuse me?”

Zolf almost wanted to backpedal, to apologize and say that isn’t what he meant. But then the kobolds moved to stand beside Hamid, spears and shields ready, and that familiar roar flared up in his head again. “You know what I mean. You stopped Kafka, at the expense of half of Prague. You lost your father, your sister. You were doing fine in Damascus until you went and dragged everyone to bloody Rome of all places, jumped into a time dilation, and got yourselves lost for a year and a half with no warning or anything, leaving us to clean up the mess! You were the only people who could’ve prevented this from happening. And now you’re just ignoring it all to play at being the leader to a bunch of brainwashed kobolds. So yeah, you mucked things up.”

Skraak snarled something in another language, and for a frightening moment, Zolf thought the kobolds were going to turn on him. One by one, they bowed their heads, and Hamid swiveled on his heel and marched back towards the inn, six of them in tow. One kobold stayed, fiery red eyes blazing with an undisguised hatred.

[8]Zolf glared back, but the intense fury in the kobold made him shiver and look away. He looked out over the ocean. The waves were still crashing against the rocks, beating out a steady rhythm. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and reached for the magic, this time with a singular goal in mind. 

He found nothing.

1 Knowledge arcana: 7 [return to text]

2 Perception check: 19 [return to text]

3 Knowledge Engineering: 10 [return to text]

4 Perception checks: Zolf- 10; Hamid- 6; Wilde- 11; Cel- 9; Azu- 3 [return to text]

5 Reflex Save: 7 [return to text]

6 Attack Roll: nat20, 3 [return to text]

7 Intimidation check: nat20 [return to text]

8 Duelling intimidation checks: Zolf- 14, Kobold- nat20 [return to text]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to @mullroy for beta-ing, sound boarding, and being an awesome human! Settling into a rhythm, and we'll be updating every Saturday. Thanks for reading! Also, I did update the first chapter a bit July 1 and included the checks I rolled for.


	3. The Perils of Kobolds as Bodyguards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LOLOMG boards Earhart's ship!

Hamid stormed back to the inn as fast as he could, blood still boiling.

His kobolds trailed-

No. Not  _ his  _ kobolds. That was exactly the kind of thinking Zolf had been ranting about. If anything, they were Skraak’s kobolds. 

_ Skraak’s _ kobolds trailed behind him, spears and shields ready. Skraak walked in front, surveying the path and the woods. The sun was setting, and the trees’ shadows grew exponentially creepier the later it got. With a snap of his fingers, Hamid cast Dancing Lights. Skraak looked over his shoulder at them with a sneer, tail lashing, but he didn’t say anything.

They reached the edge of the village and Hamid stopped. For a moment, he didn’t want to go back to the inn, but staying out here meant there was more of a chance of running into Zolf. 

“Hey, Skraak?”

Skraak looked over at him, tail twitching. 

“Zolf was right,” Hamid started. Skraak’s upper lip curled up in a sneer, and the rest of the kobolds stopped what they were doing to stare. “Not about you being brainwashed! About me pretending to be your leader. Even if I was trying to do that, I couldn’t ever be that person.”

The other kobolds started to talk over each other, alternating between snarling about Zolf and praising Hamid, until Skraak silenced them with a withering look, tail lashing side to side. “Let him speak.”

“I don’t want to be your leader. But I would like your company, especially once we get to America.” Hamid took a deep breath. “I have a lot of money, and I’m about to make a lot more. I’d like to hire you, as my personal guards.”

Skraak cocked his head to the side, mulling the proposal over. “How much?”

“How much?” Hamid asked. “Oh! I was thinking 50 gold pieces a day. I have 300 here, and once I sell the adamantine, I should have a lot more.”

The kobolds’ eyes gleamed and their tails thrashed as Hamid pulled the bag of gold out from his tunic, but a low growl from Skraak kept them from snatching it. 

“We accept.”

~~***~~

Zolf returned to the inn well after dark. All of the lights were out, except for one in Wilde’s room. He sighed. The fool had probably taken his anti-magic cuffs off to stay awake. He trudged up the stairs and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Zolf opened the door. “Wilde.”

Wilde looked up from a particularly thick folder. Zolf didn’t really know what Wilde did all day, but he was pretty certain Wilde had started managing the relief efforts once the Meritocrats had retreated on top of researching the Simulacrum and weird weather. There wasn’t really an army to fight with, but there were millions of refugees swarming Cairo and Mumbai, all needing food and space, and somehow Wilde had gotten stuck with the thrilling job.

“Close the door, Zolf.” Wilde set the folder down and cleared a stack of papers from a chair. Sure enough, the cuffs were half buried under papers on the bed, and Wilde was sitting well outside of their five foot antimagic field

“You need to be wearing the — ”

“Zolf.” Wilde gave him a look of equal parts weariness and contempt. “Sit.”

“Fine.” Zolf took the seat and frowned at a folder with his name scrawled in neat, swirling script. 

“So,” Wilde started, flipping open the folder and rummaging through a few pages of handwritten notes. His face contorted into something that might’ve been concern if it had been anyone else. “I need to speak to you about recent events.”

“Just spit it out, Wilde.”

“Fine.” Wilde paused, searching for the words. “You’re lashing out again. Pushing people away. The row you had with Hamid this evening was, to put it frankly, uncalled for, and if you are going to reestablish yourself in the group, you’re going to need to go about it in a more dignified manner.” He stared at Zolf, the dark circles under his eyes stark in the harsh light.

“Was that all you wanted to say?”

Wilde sighed. “I’d like to know what the problem is.”

Zolf tried to think of how to even put it in words. How to explain how alone he felt, how he didn’t even know what he was praying to or where his magic came from. Why Hamid invoked such strong feelings that made him want to run away again. Exactly what those feelings were.

“Look, it’s nothing. Sorry for worrying you. I’ll straighten up.” Zolf stood.

“Smith.” Zolf’s blood chilled at his icy glare. Wilde only called him by his last name when he was furious. “Walk out that door and we’re done. You’ll pack up and leave and I’ll settle for Barnes and Carter.”

Zolf clenched his jaw and sat back down. 

“We’ve done this dance before. Can we skip the next bit?” Wilde asked. “If you need to just relax, say so.”

Swirls of unidentifiable emotions tumbled through Zolf. They stared at each other for a moment. “I just need to relax.”

Wilde smiled, the first genuine smile Zolf had seen from him in a long time. 

~~***~~

Wilde called everyone up to his room the next day after lunch, giving Zolf and Hamid time to cool off. They still avoided each other, and Wilde couldn’t help noticing the kobold tailing Zolf everywhere he went. He wondered if Zolf had realized.

“Alright. The next objective is to get you over to the Americas,” Wilde said once everyone had settled. “Einstein isn’t an option. He can only teleport accurately to places he’s been, even after Rome, and we can’t afford mistakes over there. I have, however, acquired... Begrudging transportation. She’s not thrilled, but if we pay her well, Earhart will ferry you to a village on the East Coast. She’s docked in Hiroshima right now, and honestly, the only reason she’s considered it is because you guys took care of Shoin for her. Apparently some of her crew has family in Cel’s village and they were here to dispatch Shoin and set up another refugee dropoff.”

“Alright. When do we leave?” Hamid asked.

“Whenever you all are ready. It’s going to take at least two days if Einstein can’t teleport us.”

“Can I just, you know, check on my village one last time? To be quite honest, I wasn’t really hoping to go back to America any time soon? Or ever? And I need a bit of a think to really... Yeah.” Cel began fidgeting with some mechanism. 

“Sure. That’ll give me some time to get in contact with Einstein.”

“Before we go, can I say something?” Hamid asked. Everyone nodded and stared at him expectantly. “Azu, remember that adamantine ore refinery we went to? Well, I picked up quite a bit of adamantine in my Bag of Holding, and I figured now might be a good time to sell it? I assume we’ll be splitting it evenly, since we are still a mercenary company, and I wanted to just let everyone know. Skraak is sending it with Driaak to Hiroshima already, so I can ask them to meet us at the aeroport?”

“Uh.” Zolf frowned. “I wasn’t there, so that doesn’t really apply to me.”

“Yes, but you’re part of the team now,” Azu said. “I think it’s a great idea, Hamid.”

“I don’t want it,” Zolf deadpanned. Hamid’s nostrils flared and he took a deep breath. “Look, I wasn’t there. It wouldn’t be right for me to take the money. I don’t want it.”

“Zolf — ” Hamid started through gritted teeth.

“How about we make it a bank of sorts?” Cel suggested, cutting Hamid off quickly. “The Bank of LOLOMG. That way we all have access to money if we need it.”

“Oh! Yes, that’s a very good idea Cel,” Azu said, smiling. “That would make this much easier. How much money is it going to be, Hamid?”

“If Driaak is good, they should come back with 60,000 gold, minimum,” Hamid said. Everyone froze in various states of shock. Azu frowned, looking thoughtful. 

“Ah, how much would that be in coppers, Hamid?” Azu asked.

“6 million!” Cel exclaimed, eyes gleaming. Azu’s mouth fell open. “Oh I could buy so many ingredients with that, and the equipment. I could buy a reverse engineering centrifugal pump diffuser...”

“Fine,” Zolf muttered as Cel trailed off. “Whatever you guys want.”

  
  


~~***~~

Now that the excitement of getting a lot of money had worn off and they were walking towards the village, Cel’s mood was dropping and their mind was racing. More than fifty years had passed. It was hard to get an exact count, but Cel was pretty sure they left America 64 years ago. That was long before the Separatists had deemed the continent the United Separatists’ America. Now, after vowing to never look back, never repeat the past, and never return, they were en route directly to their home country. The walk to the village was going too fast; they didn’t know how to slow down, to enjoy what would probably be the last time they’d ever walk these paths.

“Cel?” Azu interrupted their train of thought, and they realized they were touching their mangled ear. The tip twinged painfully. Or at least, the memory of it did. “Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah! You ever felt something on a body part you don’t have anymore?” Azu looked at them, confused. “Like, like a ghost pain, y’know? The missing part of my ear just really hurts sometimes. Now personally, I think it happens because my brain hasn’t accepted my ear’s kinda gone, but I talked to healers about it and they said it doesn’t work like that.”

“As far as I know, it doesn’t,” Azu said. “But I don’t know everything.”

Cel hummed noncommittally. They walked in silence for a while. Hamid was a bit farther ahead, supervising the kobolds, who had gotten surprisingly energetic and playful in the depths of the forest. Zolf hadn’t come with them, saying something about needing to relax. When Cel had made a joke about just wanting some alone time with Wilde, he’d blushed and snarled, “Absolutely not!” at them, which they took to mean the exact opposite.

There was a crash as two black kobolds tackled each other into some underbrush, scrabbling at each other with teeth and talons. Hamid stifled a laugh, and Skraak swished their tail angrily. Cel watched Skraak growl something at Hamid, but the halfling didn’t seem to care. 

“Hey Azu?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever been afraid to go home?” Cel looked at Azu intensely.

She opened her mouth, then just shook her head.

“I see,” they muttered. Azu looked distressed but didn’t push them, and they went back to watching the kobolds play. 

~~***~~

Once the party was over and Cel was comfortable leaving the village behind, they all made their way back to the inn. Four of the kobolds had stayed to help Jasper with defenses and partying, leaving Skraak, the two black kobolds, and a blue kobold with Hamid. Azu walked farther behind them, contemplating the day. Cel was worrying her. There was an energy about them that she hadn’t seen since Sasha and Grizzop were around, and already that felt like so long ago. But that energy masked something painful and dark, and she’d seen a glimpse of it earlier. 

They were exceptionally good at hiding it, and she only caught it every once in a while, usually when they stopped watching the kobolds. Azu decided she would help them with whatever it was, no matter what. She felt she owed them that much. She watched them fiddle with the little stuffed animal keychain. A little spark of electricity flew from the stuffed tail.

~~***~~

“Einstein will be here tomorrow morning. I suggest having everything packed, because we’re teleporting straight to the aeroport,” Wilde said. Hamid noticed he was immaculate in a way only Prestidigitation could provide, and upon closer inspection, saw he wasn’t wearing the shackles. Zolf was standing silently beside Wilde, and for once, he looked somewhat peaceful. Hamid hoped that meant he’d taken the time to relax seriously. 

“The runner I sent to get a few more kobolds will be back by this afternoon,” Skraak said in quiet Draconic. Hamid nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Get whatever supplies you need. America isn’t exactly peak civilization,” Wilde said wryly, a ghost of a smile on his face.

Later, the three new kobolds showed up. One was golden, one a warm, ruddy brown, and the other the palest orange Hamid had ever seen. They introduced themselves and bowed, and he ground his teeth.

“Don’t,” he said, and the kobolds stood. He made eye contact with each of them. “What do you know about me?”

“We kn-know that you rescued us,” the ghostly pale kobold stuttered. “And that you n-need help on your t-travels.”

“And what do you know about the kobolds who died in the tower?” 

The kobolds stared at Hamid blankly. 

“I killed them.”

A shiver of fear ran through them and they knelt instantly. 

“No!” Hamid barked, although it came out kind of squeaky, to his dismay. They jumped. “I don’t deserve your loyalty or your fealty or your protection. You can stay if you want, and you can protect me if you want, but you will answer to Skraak. Not to me.”

Skraak stepped forward and looked down at the kobolds. “Stand up. This is just a job. He pays us, we protect him. He stops paying us, we leave.”

The kobolds stood, chins held high. To anyone else, this might have looked like an act of defiance, but their tails were still and low to the ground. Hamid had noticed over the past few days that the kobolds were a lot like cats; they used their tails to show how they felt, and a low, still tail meant something like deference or submission, no matter what the kobold was doing. Skraak’s tail lashed back and forth.

~~***~~

Teleporting with Einstein still felt wrong, but it was wrong in a different way this time. At least, to Azu, it felt like she was being broken down into her smallest elements and rebuilt in a slightly different way.

“Hm. That was... Something,” Cel said, scratching their temple. They looked mildly uncomfortable as well.

“Woah! That was a powerful one!” Einstein exclaimed. “Did you guys feel that? I could’ve gone to the moon with all that magic!”

“Please don’t go to the moon, Einstein.” Azu laughed as Cel’s eyes grew wide.

“Please take me with you to the moon!” they said excitedly. 

Wilde cleared his throat, cutting off the conversation. “We don’t have time for this right now. Let’s go.”

“Ah, actually, I need to get back to Cairo? Curie said if I didn’t come back immediately this time, she’d make me the head of the Astrology Club.” He shuddered. Hamid and Cel chuckled. “And she swore to tell them my star sign.”

Wilde stared at Einstein blankly until he got the hint.

“Oh, right! Well, see ya!” And with a bright flash and rumble, Einstein was gone. At the same time, a bright blue kobold dashed up to Hamid with a new Bag of Holding. They grumbled something in what Azu assumed was draconic. Hamid opened the bag, raising one eyebrow, then shrugged. 

“Driaak sold the adamantine for 80,000 gold,” Hamid said. “I figure we can use some of that to pay Earhart?”

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

“I’ve already arranged for that to be taken care of.” Wilde sighed and walked off towards the entrance to the massive aeroport. Azu stared at it in wonder. The doors were tall enough that she could’ve walked in while riding Topaz, and when they stepped through, she felt a blast of cold air. It wasn’t as cold as the mountains, but the chill was nice after the mugginess of Japan. Hundreds of people were running around, many short enough to dash between her legs.

Azu looked around at the ginormous terminals, where huge airships were docked just a few feet from the long rows of windows. She watched in awe as one of the ships was guided out of the dock by lots of little gnomes in reflective orange vests. It rolled on four massive wheels out to the middle of a large empty field. There was an impressive roar that rattled the windows as the engines started and the ship’s sails unfurled. Slowly, the ship began to lift off, picking up speed until it was just a speck in the sky. 

Cel was standing next to her, also watching with a maniacal glee. They mumbled something too quiet to hear over the din of the crowd. 

“What was that?”

“I said, this will be the first time I’m in an airship. When I left America, they didn’t have these yet, so I sailed over in a sea ship, which was  _ not  _ very fun although I got to be a dolphin a lot. I don’t think I’ll get to be a dolphin here. But maybe a bird...” Cel watched as another ship was guided out to the field and a shadow fell over them. The haunted look returned to their eyes. “I wonder where they’re all going? All these people with all these lives to live.” Cel sounded sad again, and their hand was drifting back towards their ear. 

“Are you sure you want to go with us?” Azu asked. They stared at her for a moment, face unreadable.

“I — I don’t think I have a choice. There’s lots of dangerous things in the Americas, y’know, that you guys wouldn’t know about. Like megafauna that make Shoin’s organ of death look like a kitten or a puppy or, you know, one of those really cute little baby jellyfish that float on the surface? No? Ah well. They’re cute but deadly, don’t get super close. And don’t get me started on the flora. And there were even rumors of a dragon, but I don’t think those were true.” Cel sighed. “Look, if I’m not there, and you guys don’t win... Well, then there was no reason for me to fight Shoin, was there? No reason for me to save the village. I just wish I’d had more time to enjoy it.”

“Do you think you’re going to die?” Azu asked, alarmed.

“No, well I hope not. Maybe?” Cel shook their head. “I didn’t want to ever go back.”

“Azu, Cel,” Wilde called. “Earhart’s waiting at dock B.”

Cel strode off, leaving Azu perplexed and more concerned than ever. She followed after them towards the dock.

When they reached the gate, a gnome with a very tall hat started glaring at them and snapped, “I didn’t agree to  _ you  _ coming.”

Wilde sighed heavily. “Not even for more — ”

“Nope,” she said, and her hand drifted to a complex looking tube at her hip. Wilde paled slightly and backed off, hands raised slightly.

“Fine, fine. Zolf’s got the money,” Wilde said. “Thank you, Earhart.”

She snorted and turned on her heel. “Follow me.”

As everyone filed after Earhart on the small walkway to the ship, Azu looked it over. It was impressive, with large crackling engines and a decorative metal pinwheel of some kind on the front. The inside was even more impressive, although a bit cramped for Azu. Gnomish crewmembers ran this way and that, hooking everyone onto ‘guidelines’ and showing them how to move around the ship. After giving them the rundown, the crew began rushing around, preparing for takeoff. After a few rocky minutes that made Azu very uncomfortable, the ship was in the air. 

Earhart showed up a while later and asked to see them in her personal quarters, speaking with a haughty clip that Azu didn’t like. She led them down a dark, cramped corridor, and Azu had to take a moment to remind herself she was still in open air. She showed them through a door that said Captain’s Quarters, and motioned for them all to sit. She looked over each of them with a keen, dark glint in her eye.

“So,” she began.

~~***~~

Cel stared in awe at the ship as they walked towards it. Elemental turbines aside, the sheer engineering work that had gone into building it was astounding. Upon closer inspection, they saw looping designs etched into the sheet metal covering the hull, and large sections of it seemed to shift and undulate in the heat pouring off the engines. On the deck, they only half paid attention to a gnome explaining how to use the guideline system, choosing to focus more on the various mechanisms powering the beast of a ship. 

An elemental roared somewhere, and the engines began to rumble, shaking the entire ship. They darted towards the back where four large containers of foul smelling liquid were strapped, tubes feeding into powerful engines. Caustic, lime green smoke puffed out the back of them. If it weren’t for the glass barrier, they would have probably tried to get a sample.

“Shoving off!” someone yelled, and the cry was echoed throughout the entire ship. Everything rocked violently from side to side, and Cel had to lunge for something to hold onto. They felt the ship begin to move, slowly, almost like riding in a really slow, really bumpy cart. Then everything balanced out, and Cel watched as the ground began to drift away.

“So cool,” they whispered.

“Glad you like it. Cel Sidebottom, right?” a voice said from beside them. They jumped and looked down to see the gnome with the large feather hat from earlier. “I’m Earhart. The captain.”

“Nice to meet you. I love your ship!”

“Only one like her you’ll see around. I don’t recommend getting too close to that smoke, though.”

“Oh,” Cel said, a bit sadly. They really wanted a sample.

“You wanna fly her?”

Cel spun around, eyes wide and grinning. “Really?”

“Course. You know, you remind me of someone. She really liked flying and climbing around this ship like a damn monkey.” Earhart laughed. “Kinda wish she was with you guys, I’ve missed her. Coulda used some help like her back when the war started.”

Cel started to reply when they heard loud mechanical noises. They looked around, alarmed.

“Don’t worry about that. It’s just the oars deploying. Take a look.” Earhart led them over to the side, unclipping and clipping as she walked, and pointed down. For a moment, all Cel could see was empty sky and the smears of brown and green that made up the ground. Then there was a loud  _ vwoomph _ , and three massive metal oars swung out from under the ship. A few beats later, the next set swung out, and then the next. In total, five sets of oars swung back and forth beneath the ship, like massive pendulums swaying beneath it. They watched, mesmerized, listening to the oars beat the air in a soothing, consistent rhythm. 

“What are they for?” Cel asked. “They don’t seem to be helping move the ship.”

“They help counterbalance. Keeps the ship stable when we hit the turbulence. Also lets us have a bit of an autopilot when we’re shorthanded and need a break, too.”

“Huh,” Cel murmured, mind racing. They hadn’t thought about counterbalancing much before. To be fair, they’d never built an airship before either.

“You can come back and watch in a bit, but I do need to talk to you and your mates about some… policy changes we’ve made since the last time your lot was on board,” Earhart said. 

Cel frowned. “Okay. I haven’t been with these guys for very long, though.”

“Fair enough, but you still need to know them,” she replied, already walking off. They followed Earhart down the corridors, collecting the others along the way. Cel had to duck under the archway to get Earhart’s room. Carefully, they folded into a too-small chair, doing their best to avoid crushing any of the little machines and projects strewn everywhere. Everyone else did the same, with varying degrees of comfort. Earhart sat behind her desk, looking them over critically.

“So,” she said, steepling her fingers. “First and foremost, as you can tell, there’s been some changes. Only the upper deck is open air, and I’d appreciate it if there wasn’t a repeat of last time you were on board, entertaining as that was.”

“Don’t worry, Bertie... He won’t be coming back,” Hamid murmured. Cel arched an eyebrow at Azu, but she just shrugged.

“Fair enough. Second, while you’re on my ship, you do as I say, no matter what. Got it?” She paused, waiting for a nod from everyone. “Cel, Azu, if Separatists show up, you get the hell out of sight.”

“Can I ask why?” Azu asked. Cel snorted.

“The Separatists are very... agnostic. The gods don’t fit into their version of a good, just world. And they’ve got something against elvenkind.”

“Oh,” Azu muttered. Her pink glow dulled somewhat.

“Third, where’s the shadowy one I like?” Cel watched Azu’s face fall. Hamid made a strangled sound, and Zolf frowned. 

“She’s gone too,” Hamid said quietly. 

“Oh,” Earhart said. “What happened?”

Hamid launched into the story of Rome, describing the harrowing journey they had taken and how Sasha and one of the other members (“not Bertie,” Azu mouthed at them) hadn’t made it back with them. When his voice cracked and failed, Azu took over, tearfully describing a letter from Ancient Rome and the founder of the Harlequins. As proof, Zolf pulled the letter from his Bag of Holding. When the story was finished, and she had read and reread the letter, Earhart leaned over and grabbed a bottle of rum and some glasses.

“So you’re telling me that awkward kid grew up to be... What, my boss?” She passed the glasses around. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Hamid sighed, taking a long drink. Azu drained hers, refilled it, and drained it again.

“And what’s your stake in this?” Earhart turned to Cel, who had started fidgeting with the little mechanisms around them. “Why are you mixed up with this lot?”

Cel started to say,  _ “Because I’m useless otherwise,”  _ but stopped and just shrugged. “It’s this or die when the robot things get around to Japan. I’d rather try to stop them before that.”

“And you?” Earhart looked at Azu. 

“That’s personal,” Azu said simply. Earhart nodded.

“Alright. I want a full story later, but we’ve got about a week’s worth of sailing if we can catch the slipstream. If not, we’re looking at closer to two. Go get some food, sleep, whatever. Sidebottom?” Cel looked up from fiddling with a small telescopic device. “Ready to fly?”

~~***~~

After their dismissal, Hamid and the kobolds walked down to the dining area. It was surprisingly empty, and Hamid realized he really hadn’t seen anyone else on board aside from the crew. Skraak started scoping out the area while the others stood watch and sniffed the air, taking their job way too seriously, in Hamid’s opinion. He was beginning to regret asking the kobolds to be his bodyguards. With a heavy sigh, he walked over to a buffet table and began to make a plate.

“If you guys want anything, go ahead,” he said. None of the kobolds moved. Rolling his eyes, he began to walk away with a full plate.

“Meerk,” Skraak growled. The gold kobold looked over, then jumped and darted towards Hamid.

“I need to test it,” she said in a rough, rumbly voice.

“What?” Hamid tried to guard the plate but Meerk managed to grab it from him. “Wait, what?”

“You’re paying us to be your personal bodyguards,” Skraak said. “Therefore, we will protect you from any who might want to hurt you.”

“Not at the expense of your own lives! Besides, it’s a buffet! Who poisons a buffet?”

“Someone who wants everyone to die.” Skraak turned back to Meerk, who had finished sampling everything. “Good?”

She nodded and set the plate down in front of Hamid. He was really regretting hiring the kobolds.

~~***~~

Zolf led Azu to an empty lounge area with four large couches.

“Here,” he said gruffly, shoving a worn paperback copy of  _ When Passions Collide _ into her hands. “Met the author on this ship. One of the best books I’ve ever read.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Azu took it gingerly and scanned the synopsis.

“Look, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit of an ass recently,” he muttered. 

“You’ve had a hard time. It’s okay.” 

Zolf snorted. “Doesn’t mean you guys deserve it.”

“No. But, Mr. Coping Mechanisms,” Azu said with a smile, much to Zolf’s chagrin. “Sometimes we have bad days. And that’s okay.”

Zolf blinked. “Right. Thanks for not, you know, hating me.” 

“I don’t think anyone hates you, Zolf.” Azu sat on one of the couches. Zolf sat opposite her, pulling out his own book. “Hamid was disappointed and hurt, but we could never hate you.”

“Right.” The conversation devolved from there. Zolf opened his book, Forge of the Heart, and began reading.

~~***~~

[1]Cel followed Earhart to the helm, where a complex set of levers, wheels, buttons, and gauges was laid out in a disorganized fashion. Their eyes grew wide.

“So, here you go.” Earhart pointed. “You’ve got your internal pressure and fuel gauges here, a fluidic gauge for the elemental juice, and a compass, although my navigator is pretty damn good. This lever is speed, this one’s altitude, that wheel’s direction, and this one alters the oars’ speed. Got it?”

“So the ship’s powered by elementals?” Cel asked, running their fingers along the intoxicatingly complex patterns covering the control panel. They were similar to the ones that danced across the hull. 

“Kind of. You’ve gotta have an engine or two still. The elemental acts as the engine for the engine, starting it up and feeding it additional power as needed.” Earhart flipped a lever. A moment later, they heard an ear-piercing scream and winced. “Not the nicest thing, but it does the job.”

“No,” Cel murmured. They leaned over the control panel, and suddenly it sparked. Earhart jumped backwards, cursing colorfully. Cel just stared at the spot their hand had been, now slightly charred.

“You alright?” she asked, batting away a bit of stray smoke.

“Yeah. Sorry.” They paused. “I don’t think I should fly the ship.”

“Aw come on, just because a little spark?” Earhart scoffed.

“It’s... it’s complicated.”

“Fair enough. If you really don’t want to, I won’t push you. But if you do, come find me.” Earhart grabbed the wheel and looked out at the vast expanse of cloud and sky

Cel wandered out, aimlessly making their way back to the engines. When they reached the room the elementals were in, they paused, stepping inside. Suddenly, everything felt small and cramped. They gasped as their lungs felt too full and too empty all at once, and the harness felt too caging. [2]They tore the harness off easily, then their coat, throwing it down carelessly. Glass crunched and shattered and potions spilled out, staining the leather all sorts of colors.

They stood in just an undershirt and pants, chest heaving with each breath. 

“I’m sorry,” they panted. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t...”

With a sob, they crumpled to the floor.

  
  


11[return to text]Knowledge Engineering: 15

2[return to text]Strength Check: 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that's chapter 3! Thank you to @mullroy for being awesome! 
> 
> Unfortunately, next Saturday's chapter won't be following LOLOMG. I need a bit of a writing break for health reasons, so we'll be taking a short interlude to follow Wilde wherever he goes.


	4. Wilde Interlude: The Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilde returns to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @mullroy! I wouldn't have gotten this done without you.
> 
> CW: Somewhat graphic descriptions of body horror on an animal

It took a few days for Wilde to get back to the inn, but he made it without too much difficulty. After sending for Barnes and Carter, he waited a day in Hiroshima, and together they went back to Okinoshima by boat. The whole time, he begrudgingly wore the antimagic shackles. Barnes and Carter were very on top of it, going so far as to threaten to deadbolt them on if he didn’t stay inside their radius.

Finally, after three days of travelling, Wilde walked back into his room. It was well after dinner, but he didn’t feel like eating. Almost immediately, he shucked the cuffs across the room, breathing a sigh of relief when he felt the familiar tickle of magic returning. There were going to be consequences, but they could be dealt with later. For now, Wilde relished in the ability to cast his spells again. He clicked his fingers and Prestidigitated his appearance back the way he preferred it: his cape fluffed out, the stains dissolving from it, his hair re-curled and defrizzed, and his vest and pants popped back into a perfectly pressed, clean form. He sighed contentedly, and sat down at his desk and lit the gas lamp. It sputtered to life, and he leaned back, picking up a file on the situation in London. 

For a while, he flicked through it, waiting patiently for what he knew was coming, though why he wanted it still eluded him. The file was concerning enough to capture his attention at the very least. London wasn’t doing well. Upper London fell first many months ago, the nobles and rich people unable to defend themselves, and they were apparently being corralled in camps to await... Something. The Harlequin who was reporting wasn’t sure what the Simulacra were waiting for. It took a while, but recently Other London had also completely fallen to the Separatist forces, despite their guerrilla style attempt to fight back. There were rumors that the old Rackett stronghold was still safe, but Wilde doubted it. He shook his head as he finished reading the report. 

“Sentiency has spent way too long relying on the Meritocrats to fight all their battles,” Wilde muttered, tossing the file aside. There was nothing to be done about London now. Paris wasn’t faring much better. For the most part, all of Northern Europe was under Separatist control, and these camps were popping up everywhere. Attempts to infiltrate them had gone poorly every time, usually ending in the Harlequin switching sides. The rare time they didn’t turn, they were found brutally murdered within the month. It was very unnerving. The lamp guttered and faltered, signalling the gas was running low.

Suddenly, there was a hollow rap on the door. Wilde glanced up, one eyebrow raised, just in case it was Barnes or Carter. It was just past midnight, though, so Carter had most likely drunken himself into a stupor and Barnes was probably out at the shoreline. After a slight pause, the methodical rapping started again. Wilde sighed, but only moved to grab the next file and a notebook. He began reading, jotting down notes as he did. The knocking had become a commonplace in his cuffless nights, and he’d become very adept at ignoring it. A few minutes later, the door started to creak open, despite Wilde knowing he’d locked the door behind him. He continued to ignore it.

A black clawed foot poked through, pausing as if to test the integrity of the floor. A single, spindly leg, half rotted away, followed, dropping a few limp black feathers. Slowly, a Zolf-sized, semi-dessicated raven stepped through the door. The remnants of its raggedy feathers were dull and barely reflected the lamp light, and it moved with a cautious, slow pace. When it was fully inside, the raven cocked its head, one eye focusing on Wilde, the other long since gone. 

Wilde sucked in a breath, but continued to ignore the bird. It rapped its hollow beak hard against the wall, causing him to jump.

_ “Isola,”  _ the raven croaked, its voice broken by the lack of vocal cords in its skeletal throat.  _ “No more. No more. No more.” _

He gritted his teeth and forced himself to focus on the file. It stared at him, listing off more names, one talon tapping the floor. Wilde realized he wasn’t reading the file at all, just staring at the same paragraph as his mind whirled. There was no tactical reason for him to have the cuffs off tonight. He didn’t need the benefit of being completely incapable of sleep. The lamp sputtered again. So why was he sitting here, letting this damned bird bother him? He knew the moment the cuffs were in range, the raven would disappear with a strangled croak. Wilde stared at the cuffs, almost longingly, but couldn’t find the energy to get them.

_ “Sasha.”  _ Wilde snapped around, staring daggers at the raven. 

“How do you know that name?” he asked. “You shouldn’t... You shouldn’t be able to know that name.”

_ “Sasha. No more.” _

“Shut up!” Wilde snapped, flinging the closest object—an empty inkwell—at its chest. The inkwell clattered against the wall, having passed through the bird without any resistance. It croaked something that could have been a cruel laugh.

_ “No more.”  _ The raven paused, waiting.  _ “Know more.” _

“Why are you here?” Wilde snarled. It stared impassively at him. “Why are you here? What do you want?”

It took a step closer. Then another. Wilde could see each bone sticking out from beneath the feathers, the skin and sinew long since rotted away. As always though, there was no stench of death. Just the slightest hint of hand rolled cigarettes. The spectral raven took one final step so it could hover just on the other side of the desk. Wilde froze in place as it stretched one bony wing towards him, pausing just before brushing against where the long scar marred his cheek. 

_ “Ed. Know more.”  _ Wilde didn’t move, but a single tear slid down his cheek. 

“You’ve told me. He’s gone. I get it.”

_ “No.”  _ The raven coughed, a hollow rattle produced by airless lungs, and retracted its wing.  _ “Know more.” _

Wilde stared impassively at it. This happened every time. Almost like clockwork, just after midnight. Just to haunt him, just to terrorize him, his own nightmares come to life in the form of this stupid bird. Just to tell him Ed was dead, Isola was dead, the LOLOMG would die, the world would die, all because of him.

_ “Fallen dragons. No more. Fallen worlds. No more.”  _ The raven hopped away, back towards the door.  _ “Fault, fault fault.” _

It spread its wings wide and stilled, the guttering lamp lit up the inky black feathers. Wilde knew what came next. It was what he was waiting for this whole time, even if he denied it. The first image, one of Zolf drowning in Poseidon’s abject rage, abstractly played across the bird’s chest. Then Hamid, body broken and beaten, Azu with a spear through her armor, Cel getting attacked by a ginormous horned beast, over and over and over. Sometimes Sasha showed up, barely visible against the black, also dying a horrible death. Isola, his little sister, wracked by a disease no one could cure that burned her from the inside out. And Ed, who had come back from the dead to give him the scar across his cheek. Wilde stood over him in that scene with blood dripping down his face, a knife held with remarkable ease, sliding it between Ed’s ribs.

“It’s not my fault! It’s not.. not my fault.” Wilde cried, finally feeling the emotions he’d buried so far down. “I didn’t do that, he... He left. He was alive!”

_ “Fault. Fault. Your fault,”  _ the bird croaked again, and the images shifted to London, Paris, Cairo, Mumbai, Tokyo. The Simulacra storming the inn. The Simulacra ruling the world. Dark, cruel eyes staring at him through the feathers. Guilt, fear, pain, sorrow. Wilde didn’t know how to feel these things without the raven there to spur it on. He didn’t know how to grieve for his lost sister, his broken lover, the agents he’d sent to die. He gasped, as the realization hit him yet again, just as it did every time.

Sniffling, he stood and moved towards the cuffs, ignoring the raven. It croaked one last time:  _ “No more.” _

Wilde stepped into the antimagic field and the raven blinked out of existence, the few feathers that had fallen disappearing with it. He sobbed quietly, and curled up under the covers of the rarely used bed, ignoring the stacks of files that slid off the end.

“My fault,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to LOLOMG next Saturday.


	5. Airship Montages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cel discovers Romefuckery, Zolf and Hamid have a bit of a breakthrough, and Azu has a dream.

“Hey little buddy?” Cel knocked on the door to Hamid’s room. Two kobolds dressed in dark suits stood guard outside it, and they waved sheepishly. The kobolds didn’t respond. 

“Come in!” Hamid called. Cel pushed open the door and ducked inside. “What’s up?”

“Hey buddy, Hamid, uhm.” They paused, running their hand through their hair. “I was wondering if you could maybe fix this?”

Hamid glanced up from the kobold he was outfitting and instantly saw the state of their lab coat. “Oh my gosh! Are you okay? How did this happen?” 

He jumped up and ran his fingers over the bottom edge, now riddled with stains and little holes. The front was a mess of sticky black and green, and the shoulders barely hung on to Cel.

“Oh, you know. Things.” They laughed nervously. “Some of my vials broke earlier.”

“Oh, because of the pressure change! That makes sense. Yeah, of course I can fix it. Just take it off and leave it here. It’ll take a bit because I’ll have to—” Hamid paused as he finally looked up at Cel. They were more fidgety than normal and looked down, clearly incredibly uncomfortable. “What?”

“D’you think you could just... Magic it back the way it was?” they asked quietly.

“Oh. Sure, of course! Sorry, I’ve been sewing so much recently I nearly forgot about magic.” Hamid started to cast Prestidigitation, then stopped. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve told you yet. My magic went a little weird in Rome? I haven’t really had time to test it, but there’s usually some unintended side effects.”

“That’s fine! Unintended side effects are the best side effects.” Their eyes gleamed with a sudden curiosity, the discomfort vanishing in an instant. 

Taking a moment to find the magic, Hamid cast the spell. They both watched the leather knit itself back together and the stains evaporate into a fine smoke. It only took a few seconds.

“Alright? How’s it feel?”

“Pretty good.” Cel grinned, patting the pristine coat up and down. “Thanks little buddy! You mind telling me about these new magical side effects? They sound interesting!”

“Oh yeah! Have a seat! So, we call it Romefuckery.”

Cel’s eyes went wide and they grinned, leaning forward.

“Rome messed with our magic, made us a bit more powerful. That’s why the fireballs I cast in Shoin’s base were so powerful.”

They frowned, deep in thought. “So is it all of your magic or just.. Well. Okay. Like when you Prestidigitate, are there weird effects then too?” 

Hamid blushed and Skraak snickered. “There may have been a few times where I cast it to fix my makeup and it went a bit wrong. Like, eyeliner for lipstick wrong.”

Cel burst out laughing. “Romefuckery, eh? I like it! Ooh, what do you think it did to my coat?” They rifled through their coat and paused. “Did you mean to give me more pockets?”

“Uh, no?”

“Huh. It gave me new pockets! Well, I did need more.” Cel started rearranging some of their ingredients. “Actually, I also need to remake some of the potions that broke earlier. Do you mind if I stick around?”

“Go for it!” Hamid said, turning back to the black kobold who hadn’t moved from the raised platform. “Ready, Natun?”

Hamid continued pinning the fabric tighter around Natun’s shoulders. The little kobold looked extremely proud of the suit Hamid had begun to stitch together. Skraak grumbled in the corner, but continued reading a copy of an old Harrison Campbell novel.  _ Sticky human stuff,  _ Cel smiled to themself, before getting to work on the new potions. By their estimation, they needed to remake four mutagens, a few Enlarge Persons, and all of their Vomit Swarms. They sighed. It would probably take the rest of the trip to get everything restocked. 

They began pulling the flasks of ingredients out, organizing them by potion. One of the kobolds, a pale one with bright orange eyes, crept up to watch. “Oh, hey little buddy! You wanna help? What’s your name?”

“Sassraa.” The kobold nodded excitedly, and sat down in front of them. Cel handed Sassraa two empty vials and began mixing the first of the mutagens together. They chattered in draconic about what they were doing. “Right, so, this is going to be a mutagen potion. It’ll let me grow claws and fangs and wings! So I’m gonna pour this in here and then I need you to shake it for a little bit.”

“You l-look like a d-dragon?” the kobold stuttered.

“No, more like a bat. I get kind of furry. If you want I can show you!”

Cel pulled the only mutagen potion that survived from one of their new pockets. They promptly burst out laughing when the flask spontaneously grew a full handlebar mustache, startling the kobolds and Hamid.

“Oh dear,” Hamid chuckled.

“Romefuckery!” Cel exclaimed. “I love it!”

They drained the potion and shifted, enjoying the strange stretch that always came with a mutagen potion. Hamid started laughing even harder and Sassraa squeaked and jumped back.

“What?” Cel asked, voice distorted by their elongated fangs.

“You have a mustache!” Hamid laughed. Their eyes lit up as Hamid held up a small mirror, showing them a very out of place mustache.

“Romefuckery?” they asked. “I think the new pocket is affecting my potions.”

After the third potion, a simple Water Breathing, came out of the pocket completely separated but still functional, they realized the pocket had captured extra prestidigitation energy. They spent the rest of the afternoon entertaining Sassraa and the other kobolds and draining the pocket of all its extra energy. 

~~***~~

“So, what do you think?” Zolf asked.

“That was really good,” Azu said. “The climax was incredible. I didn’t have a clue what was coming.”

“I know right? And the big finish was so tasteful.”

“Truly. You said this was one of how many?”

“Forty two? Maybe more now, I’m not sure.”

“Wow,” Azu muttered. Zolf started rummaging in his Bag of Holding. With a flourish, he pulled out another book and exchanged it with her.

“Now, I know it’s out of order, but you  _ have  _ to read this one next. You won’t be missing much, I promise.” Zolf smiled, and Azu realized it was probably the first time she’d seen him do so. It was nice to see. She looked down at the book in her hands and did a double take at the title. 

“ _Lesbi_ _Together_? Really Zolf?” 

“What? It’s really good!” Zolf held up his hands, blushing. “Besides, Campbell didn’t actually write it, he just edited what another author wrote and had it published under both their names or something.”

“That was not the point I was making.” Azu raised one eyebrow and smirked. “You are cheesy.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Zolf grumbled. He settled back into his spot on the couch. “Besides, I know you swing that way, so I figured you’d enjoy that more than  _ Love and Leather _ .”

Azu actually choked that time. “Wha- Zolf!”

Zolf grinned cheekily, proud at getting in the last jab.

Azu finished  _ Lesbi Together  _ much faster than  _ When Passions Collide.  _ Zolf was right, it was really good, if a bit cheesy, but the ending was bittersweet. 

~~***~~

The airship ride was blessedly uneventful for the most part. There was a terrifying few minutes when a control panel that Cel was leaning against shorted out and the ship plunged into darkness, but they fixed it quickly, muttering something about Romefuckery. 

Zolf and Azu spent a lot of time reading and working out in the lounge area or their rooms. Azu also spent some time with Hamid, enjoying the down time they could get. Hamid continued working on the kobolds suits and when he finished, he asked Azu and Cel if he could make something for them as well. When Azu and Hamid were hanging out, Cel tried to make themself scarce, taking the time to tutor Sassraa and two of the other kobolds on alchemy. Skraak also hovered around them, but when they asked if he wanted to learn too, he shrugged and ignored them.

Hamid and Cel also tested spells and determined just how much Rome had changed Hamid’s magic. Cel tried to predict when the spells would be more powerful and what their side effects would be, and got surprisingly good at it. They did discover, much to their excitement, that Hamid could cast Message without any range limitations. He had a long conversation with Ishak and his mother, and he learned that his father had, in fact, been killed. His brother, Saleh, was still in custody, but doing worse than ever, and Sirah was still missing. After the spell ended, Hamid hugged Cel and cried.

Four days into the trip, Earhart asked them back to her quarters. 

“So. I know Wilde wasn’t very clear about what he wanted you to do in the USA,” Earhart said, leaning back in her chair.

“Well, we know we need to get Tesla’s killswitch plans and that Cel is our best bet to find them,” Hamid said. “Wilde didn’t really give us specifics, but that was kind of his thing. We’ve been pretty good at figuring it out so far.”

“Damn fool,” Earhart spat. “There’s too much at stake for you to just waltz around America ‘figuring it out.’”

“Waltzing is a strong word. We are incredibly capable people.” Azu frowned.

“I’d hope so. The fate of the entire world does sort of rest on your shoulders,” Earhart snarked back. She met Azu’s hard gaze with a stern look. “Well. I’ll give you the plan then, since he’s incapable of that. The plans for the killswitch were supposed to be left in a Harlequin camp in the southeast.”

“Where at, exactly? There is, as you know, quite a bit of Southeast.” Cel said.

“Just a bit south of the Blue Smoke Mountains. There’s a kobold nest ruin about twenty kilometers north of the town. But it’s been a few years since I’ve been there.”

Cel made a small noise. “Oh. I know where that is.” 

“Anyway. I’ll have to drop you guys off and come back to pick you up. The majority of refugees are coming from Iroquois, and that’s about a day north.” Earhart pointed a large town out on a crudely drawn map. She pointed to another large town on the coast. “There’s the ‘aeroport,’ though that’s a bit of a stretch. It’s just an abandoned town my crew repurposed into a landing strip and rendezvous point. You’ll have a bit of a trek, maybe two days worth, but I’ll fly directly to ya once the refugees are picked up and sorted.”

“So what, the mission is just find the plans and then wait for you to come pick us up?” Zolf asked.

“Pretty much. Should be easy. Even you guys can’t muck it up.” 

Azu stood abruptly. “If that’s all, I’ll be returning to the lounge.”

“Fair enough,” Earhart said. Azu stormed out. Cel frowned, and started to stand up and follow. “Sidebottom. I need a word.”

Zolf and Hamid took their leave at the dismissal, leaving Cel alone. 

“What’s up?” They asked after the door closed.

“Wilde said you were basically going to be... What, a guide?” Earhart asked. “Which means you’ve been there. I want to know why.” 

~~***~~

Hamid hovered just outside Earhart’s door awkwardly. Zolf was staring impassively at him from down the hall. “Eavesdropping. Really?”

“I’m concerned! Cel’s been kind of... Kind of weird the whole time they’ve been on board,” Hamid whispered. “Besides, I figured you’d go check on Azu.”

Zolf sighed. “Cel’s always weird. And Azu’s just not a fan of Earhart.”

Hamid continued to listen, but Earhart was talking too quietly for him to hear.

“Look, Hamid, I’m sorry for what I said. Back on the beach.” Hamid whirled around, one eyebrow arched. “You didn’t... It isn’t your fault the world went to shit. No one’s really.”

“Thank you, Zolf.” Hamid smiled softly. He hadn’t expected an acknowledgement of their fight, much less an apology. Zolf really was trying to be a better person. “You were right though. About some of it.”

“I was?”

Before Hamid could answer, Cel opened the door and walked out, brushing past him. “Oh, hey little buddy. Hey Mr. Smith.”

“Hey, Cel.” Hamid squeaked, jumping away from the door, too late.

“I’m gonna go.. With Sassraa? Yeah, I think I’ll show them how to make a mutagen potion.” They darted off down the hall, leaving Hamid and Zolf alone. 

“See? They’re being weird!” Hamid said. 

Zolf shrugged. “Maybe. You’d know better than me.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Hamid snapped, nostrils flaring in anger. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I’m sorry. You were right about me and the kobolds, by the way.”

“Wait, what?”

“I was playing at being a king. I’m trying not to now.”

Zolf stared pointedly at the two kobolds dressed in striking suits standing behind Hamid. “Sure about that?”

“I’m not! I told them Skraak was in charge and hired them to be my bodyguards.” 

Zolf laughed incredulously, shaking his head. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” he muttered darkly.

“Zolf!”

“What? You’re still in charge of them. Now you’re paying to be king. What’s the difference?”

The kobolds glowered at Zolf but didn’t move. Hamid stalked forward, his hands transforming into claws on instinct. “Why are you acting like this? We should be working together and instead you’re acting like... Like a child!”

“Funny, coming from you,” Zolf snapped, but he shrunk back slightly as Hamid got closer.

“I admit I was immature, but I’ve grown. I’ve actively tried to be a better person. Can you say the same?”

“I— You haven’t had to deal with half the shit I have!”

“No, because you haven’t dealt with any of it! You just dump it on everyone else and then we have to deal with your outbursts and I’m tired of it Zolf! I’m tired of, of this.”

“So am I.”

“Well, you’re the only person who can fix that.” Hamid folded his arms, jumping in surprise when his claws bit into his upper arms.

“It’s hard.”

“Yeah. It’s hard. But you do it anyway.”

Zolf snorted. “Sure. I’ll just deal with my problems before we deal with the actual war going on right now. My emotional conflict is  _ so  _ much more important.”

“If you want it to be like that, then quit making it all about you, Zolf! ‘Cause you’re just doing it again right now.” Hamid sighed. “I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time, Zolf. I really am, and I want to be there for you. But if you’re just going to attack me, I’m not going to keep trying.”

“Alright. I’m sorry, Hamid,” Zolf murmured. 

“If you two are done squabbling,” Earhart said from the door. Both Hamid and Zolf jumped. “I have some work I need to get done.” 

~~***~~

Azu didn’t like the airship, or it’s captain. There were many annoying things about both. The guidelines, for one, didn’t allow for proper storming off, because she had to keep unclipping and clipping herself as she stomped down the hall. The guidelines also seriously hampered her ability to work out. As did the lack of space. The ship was not designed with orcs in mind. On the other hand, the captain was an arrogant, cocky gnome who seemed to think LOLOMG weren’t good enough. And the crew seemed to dislike her as well, though she couldn’t figure out why.

Azu was frustrated, to put it mildly, had been for a while, but with no real way to work off her anger, she only had two choices: stew in it or meditate and relax. She found herself wandering the small corridors with no real destination in mind. They were mostly featureless, with the occasional porthole allowing the light to filter in. If she was lucky, they would show the open sky or the sun or wispy clouds floating by. If she wasn’t, it was a porthole into another corridor or one of the engine rooms. The only place she enjoyed being, aside from the lounge with Zolf, was the upper deck, where the glass and metal didn’t close her in on all sides, where she could feel the wind on her face and feel free. 

Instead, Azu wandered into a lounge she hadn’t been in before. It was empty and had large windows that opened to the sky. In one corner, a large, almost overstuffed chair sat on a soft looking rug. She walked over and sat down cross-legged on the rug, pleased to find that it was, indeed, soft, and perfect for meditating. Facing the window, Azu could almost pretend the wind was rushing past her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, grasping the Heart of Aphrodite. The second she touched it, the Heart began to warm in her hand, becoming almost burning hot. She gasped as her magic suddenly swelled around her, entirely overwhelming her.

She opened her eyes and dropped the Heart, and nearly screamed when she noticed another person in the room with her. They were tall, taller than Azu even, and easily one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen. They sat beside her, legs folded neatly underneath them, wearing a billowing pink dress that looked exquisitely made. Their long, black hair was twisted into a tidy plait, and they were looking serenely out the window, watching the ship cut through the thin clouds.

“A-aphrodite?”

“Yes, child,” Aphrodite said, her voice soothing and gentle, and turned to look at her. Azu scrambled to her feet and bowed. “Enough of that, little love. Sit down with me.”

Azu sat back down, feeling like she couldn’t hardly breathe. Aphrodite had never visited her so directly before. She always appeared in abstract dreams and soft, warm feelings. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Aphrodite brushed a finger over the carpet. A tapestry of rose blossoms bloomed on the threads she touched. 

“Why have you come to visit me?” Azu asked cautiously, almost afraid to break the peaceful silence. Aphrodite paused, as if lost in thought. 

“You’ve been feeling so much recently. It called me.” Aphrodite sighed. “These tumultuous thoughts and emotions will not serve you where you are going. Tell me about them.”

“You mean about the ship?” Azu asked. Aphrodite smiled and shook her head. “Oh.”

“Take your time, little love.”

Azu looked back down at the roses and swallowed. “I feel sorrow. Grief. Pain. Anger.” She paused. “Guilt.”

“Sasha and Grizzop getting lost during the planar shift spell was not your fault. The little hunter’s curiosity was just so great, and the little shadow was pulled back with him.” Aphrodite murmured. She grabbed Azu’s hand, and suddenly, Azu felt intense fear, grief, sorrow, and an aching sense of loss, like she was back in Rome. “She felt these things too. For Grizzop, certainly, but for you and Hamid and Zolf as well.”

“How..” Azu whispered through the choking feeling of tears in her throat. 

“We might not have been the most popular, but the Old Pantheon was still around, even at the fall of Rome. My Heart marked her, and the second she shifted in, I felt her, felt how much she felt for you. Through Grizzop’s death, through escaping the dragons, through setting up the orphanage and the Harlequins, she grieved you, missed you, loved you with her entire heart. Maybe not in the way you wished, but she did. And your namesake, little Azus, felt just as fiercely. She told him about you. And she told him that you were the one she wanted to live up to in the end. You were such a good influence for her, such a positive person, and she lived her life to be as good as you are.” As Aphrodite spoke, Azu began to cry. At first, it was because of the sorrow and pain of missing Sasha, but it soon gave way to happiness. Happiness that Sasha had lived a long life, happiness that she’d gotten to have children and teach them, happiness that her legacy lived on. Happiness that she had, in fact, loved Azu.

“She loved you, so much, little love, and you love her even more. But don’t miss out on loving others because you love her. You have so much more life to live and love, and I know the world is bleak right now, but I sincerely hope that you will grow to enjoy the time you have left again. You deserve that and so much more, my faithful paladin.” Aphrodite gently pulled her wrist up and kissed it, and Azu swore she could feel Sasha’s love for her, so solid and cool against her heart. “You have my blessing, little love, to choose whatever path you wish. I’m always with you, and I’ll always come back if you need me.”

Aphrodite stood. Even barefoot, she was too tall to stand up straight. With one last smile, she walked out of the room.

Azu opened her eyes slowly. She still held the Heart in her hand, but it was pleasantly warm instead of scalding. She sighed as she realized it was just a dream. Aphrodite was probably much too busy to actually visit her, what with the whole world falling apart. The sun was starting to set, and she could see brilliant reds and golds streaking through the clouds. Carefully, she unfolded her legs, wincing at the pins and needles feeling from sitting for too long. As she did, her fingers brushed against something even softer than the carpet. Frowning, Azu looked down and froze.

A trail of red roses was laid out, following the exact path Aphrodite had marked with her finger. Azu picked one up, marvelling at it. Carefully, she gathered them all up and began taking them to her room when she had an idea. She walked to Hamid’s room and said hello to the kobolds standing guard. She handed them both a rose as they stepped aside for her and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Hamid called. Azu opened the door. Hamid was sewing a large bolt of cloth while Cel and a kobold were sitting in a corner, mixing ingredients into potions. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Azu said, holding out one of the roses. “Do you think you could use magic to give me a tattoo of that rose?”

“Uhm, I could try. I don’t know if it’d be permanent or not. Cel what do you think?”

[1]“Hmm. Depends on what spell you’re using. If you try Prestidigitation, then there’s say.. A 75% chance of positive romefuckery? Can you cast any spells from the school of conjuration?” Hamid shook his head. “Then prestidigitation is your best bet. You might just have to recast it every once in a while if it doesn’t take!”

“Alright then.” Azu said. “Thank you Cel.”

“My pleasure!”

“Do you mind trying then, Hamid?” 

“Of course! Where would you like it?” 

Azu knelt down and showed him the spot on her wrist that Aphrodite had kissed. “Not too big though, maybe the size of my palm?”

[2]Hamid stared intently at the rose for a minute, then closed his eyes and snapped his fingers. Azu shivered as the magic burned into her skin. It didn’t surprise her that even Hamid’s magic ran hot. When the burn faded, a brilliant rendition of the rose was etched into her arm. 

“Oh, Hamid.” Azu murmured. “It’s beautiful. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome! And I think it’ll last too. That felt pretty positive. Can I ask what’s it for?” Hamid asked. Azu thought for a moment.

“It’s for healing.” She said.

~~***~~

Earhart summoned everyone to the helm again a few days later. “We’re getting ready to land.”

“Right. Cel, we’ll follow your lead,” Zolf said, and Azu and Hamid nodded. Crewmembers scurried around, checking gauges and tying off ropes in an intricate dance. There was a squeal of metal on metal, and the gnomes began calling commands and warnings to each other. 

[3]Earhart piloted the ship carefully towards an empty strip of grass near a small, empty town. Everyone peered through the thick glass sealing the helm. Azu thought she caught a flash of a reflective black surface in the trees, but when she tried to look closer, it seemed to disappear into the brush.

“Hang on everyone!” Earhart yelled. There was a loud crunch as they landed, and one of the gnomes looked up at Earhart in alarm. She just shrugged. “Probably fine. Right, so you’ll have to skirt around one of the mountains, but you should be able to make it to the camp in a few days. I’ll see you—”

There was another horrendous squeal, like metal being torn in half, and Earhart’s eyes went wide. A shiny, black hand reached up and punched through the reinforced glass, shattering it easily. Earhart jumped away from the wheel and started shoving Azu and Cel back from the window. “Run.  _ RUN!” _

1[return to text] Knowledge Arcana: nat20

2[return to text] Romefuckery: 17

3[return to text] Perception Checks: Azu- nat20; Cel- 7; Hamid- 5; Zolf-16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @mullroy for betaing!
> 
> Sorry this chapter is late, it was a beast to write. The next one is.. maybe gonna be out next Saturday? We'll see, it's coming out a bit slow again.


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